

There’s some evidence that donors have an elevated, albeit still low, lifetime risk of kidney failure. The procedure itself involves some discomfort (a small percentage of people will have long-term pain in the affected region), and it typically takes a few weeks to recover fully. Name WithheldĮvery year, thousands of people in our country donate a kidney, and we rightly honor them for that act of generosity. But for someone who has never been able to provide, undoubtedly because of his own childhood trauma(s), a “normal” brotherly relationship, I think this would raise old feelings of being his victim. What’s my ethical responsibility? If it were one of my close cousins needing a kidney, I would most likely be fine with it. I’ve politely laid out my feelings in a letter he eventually acknowledged he may have made “some errors.” But that’s about it. At that point I had enough and stopped interacting with him, except for birthday cards. I really don’t think any of his behavior was intentionally malicious - just what he felt he deserved or needed for his own safety. When settling the estate some years later, he went after more than was justified and showed a marked lack of trust in me. But in our 50s, when I announced I was marrying, he bullied our mom into rewriting her will to ensure, should I predecease him, that my future stepson would not inherit any of the estate: He would get it all. As we got older, distance helped us eventually get along. When we were quite young, he regularly beat me up, switching to emotional bullying when I was about 11.

I dread receiving a call asking me to fill that role. My only sibling, an older brother, is facing kidney issues and may need a donor.
